S1E2: A Message from The Oil Company

Hi, I’m the head of a big international oil company. I stand here today to address everyone of you who doubts in me. We know that you know that we do some business to which you disagree. This is a message to show how I deal with this personally.

I’m gonna die. In an evolutionary perspective I have practically already said goodbye. Die – and be lowered in the ground at my family cemetery. Soon my body will rot in the soil, and become soil itself. However, nutritious soil full of calcium and proteins, phosphorous and chlorine. When the ground is this healthy, the passing of ten generations will turn the cemetery into a jungle. And after ten geological eras, this jungle will actually become a fossil.

Give me time (remember we are talking about time in a fairly long perspective)! Time so I can be found in the ground as fresh and nice fossil energy. I’m lying there, ready to get pumped up and shipped to a refinery, in which I become gasoline that will be filled on the tank of a car by my great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grand child.

Oh, isn’t that beautiful – how I’m renewable!

Resume: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, soil to soil. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, Man to Oil! I am the head of a big international oil company. I stood here today to address everybody who has doubted in me. Goodbye.

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S1E5: The Day I Saved The World

The beeper woke me up, and my brain got turned on. The sun was sharp as a knife, and so was my brain. I felt fresh and fit for fight, full of professional cred. And that’s the way it should be, on the day that I should save the world.

I took a shower and put on a suit. I had a bowl of cereal and prepared myself for the meeting at a secret location downtown. I noticed that my unshaved face didn’t match the way I was dressed – the hero should look sharp on the day he is going to save the world.

I cut myself during shaving and had to swear a little. I was unharmed, but had to waste time washing away blood. I wouldn’t make it to my bus, but I laid a backup plan: A good old Caravelle (inherited from my uncle, Kjell) had to leave the garage on this day when I was about to save the world.

But the Caravelle wasn’t very reliable after all – at least it could have picked a better day to stall. Now it stopped, and I left it in a flower bed. I shouted for a taxi: ‘Come help me! I’m supposed to save the world!’

The taxi was a sauna, and the driver was a fan of 80’s Metallica (he looked like Otto Mann). But in the middle of the «Whiplash» * riff I became furious and scared, because Otto made a wrong turn, away from where I was going to save the world.

I jumped into the front seat and threatened ‘You must turn!’. He took me by surprise and kicked back with kung-fu. With whiplash all over and a dislocated shoulder I woke up in hospital, still partly anesthetized, high enough to scream: ‘The world! I must save the world!! Now!!!’

Sometimes fate is a doctor’s assistant who tie you to the bed and puts your life on hold. It all went askew from when I cut myself. It should never have happened. How am I supposed to save the world when I can’t even save the day?

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* from the album ‘Kill ‘Em All’ (Blackened Recordings, 1983)

 

S1E6: B*A*A*T

We’re building a boat for ourselves: A strong and stable boat, a vessel that can carry us across the oceans. We’re building a boat for ourselves: A majestic yacht, a masterpiece that can be buried along with us when we die. You will never witness a better boat.

We’re building a boat for ourselves, with millimeter precision, featuring patentable solutions, new technology, nano-energy. It’s a future dream worth waiting for. Oh yes, our boat and our dream shall be fullfilled.

We’re building a boat for ourselves, from business deals and language and clauses that tie us to the mast. But if the baptism is coming up soon – champagne meeting steel – then we’ll forget about all the budgets that were exceeded, then we’ll invite the whole world to a ball. We’ll invite everyone!

We’re building a boat for ourselves, from blood, sweat and tears. We mingle and we mediate, but we don’t have any wind in our sails. And now we have a boat that most likely will never get wet. Yes, the oars may get pulled in by the government. If the rhetorics don’t change, you will be our last hope.

Would you like to invest in this boat we’re building? Then there’s hope, then there will be a boat. We’re building a boat for ourselves, and you are welcome aboard.

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S1E11: The Biggest Bang-teorien

Ikkje leit etter unnfangelsen, historia hans har ingen start. Tid var ikkje oppfunne, han berre vaks ut av eit mørker. Ikkje forløyst av noko jordmor, eller frå noko livmor. Det finst ikkje det morsmålet som kan fortelle kva som skjedde før denne ungen kom til verda med eit brak.

Kva det enn var som vart soge inn i atmosfæren hans først – materien må ha smelta ned til enkle enkeltord. Desse orda slo seg saman til følelsar, og følelsane la ein Plan. Eliminer følelsane frå likninga, og Planen vart til Mannen.

Eit liv oppstod. Eitt stort smell. Her er ein mann som påstår at han at har kommandoen.

Han lever inni ein spegel, så han ser ikkje seg sjølv. Avataren hans er ei stjerne, men alt han strålar ut er skam. Vi leitar etter vrangforestillingar, men dei let seg ikkje summere i ein fasit. Ingen Gud og ingen komité veit kva det var som skjedde, som førte til at ungen kom til verda med eit brak.

Eit liv oppstod. Eitt stort smell. Éin liten mann, fanga i ein større plan.

Livet hans tok til. Her er mannen. Det Største Smellet, og han hadde kommandoen. No er han Universet, han saug til seg det som er.

Men det er alt han fekk.

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